so, you say you want to be a scientologist? radar online allegedly got hold of an internal church questionnaire you have to complete if wanting to join the church. so, inspired by kittenpants coverage of this, whether these questions be real or false, i thought i'd fill them out.
*Have you ever driven anyone insane?
Not legally.
*Have you ever killed the wrong person?
No court in law has proven so, yet.
*Is anybody looking for you?
Well, if I have a stalker, I haven't discovered them yet, which I guess means they're doing a good job of it and all.
*Have you ever set a poor example?
And how ...
*Did you come to Earth for evil purposes?
If getting too drunk, chain-smoking, and lusting after straight guys is evil, then yes.
*Are you in hiding?
If I were, how would my stalkers find me?
*Have you systematically set up mysteries?
No, but I've helped publicize mysteries, such as the pennies in the urinal at work ... now THAT was a mystery ...
*Have you ever made a practice of confusing people?
I wouldn't necessarily call it a practice as I would an inadvertant result of just talking to me.
*Have you ever philosophized when you should have acted instead?
Only every time I'm drunk ...
*Have you ever gone crazy?
I'm only supposed to discuss that with my therapist ...
*Have you ever sought to persuade someone of your insanity?
No, but I've tried to persuade someone of my mustache ride ...
*Have you ever deserted, or betrayed, a great leader?
Not a great leader ...
*Have you ever smothered a baby?
What kind of baby?
*Do you deserve to have any friends?
I knew it. I'm nothing. NOTHING! I don't deserve to live! Thanks a lot, scientology! I knew living for Plinko was no reason to live at all! Now I have to schedule very expensive emergency sessions with my shrink. I hope you're proud of yourself, scientology! I hate you!
*Have you ever castrated anyone?
I once had a pet neutered. Does that count?
*Do you deserve to be enslaved?
I'm not that kinky.
*Is there any question on this list I had better not ask you again?
The enslaved question. Unless you're hot. Then, maybe ...
*Have you ever zapped anyone?
This one guy asked me to do that once, but I was too drunk to even know what he was talking about.
*Have you ever had a body with a veneral disease? If so, did you spread it?
Now, does this mean have I lived in a body with VD or been with a body with VD? Either way, don't you know that VD is for everybody? Spread the word.
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1 comment:
you'd think the questionnaire would set of alarm bells for anyone filling it out...not that it's a weird questionnaire...or anything :)
Elisa
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