Tuesday, August 11, 2009


if certain clients would be a little more concise, our scheduled 30-minute meeting could actually take 30 minutes and not an hour and 45 minutes!

Monday, August 10, 2009

what to watch...

veronica mars or nowhere?


more soon. just having problems compiling coherent thoughts lately.

longest. meeting. ever.

yes, i went out to my cube, grabbed my laptop, then came back to the meeting i was in, just so i could blog about how fucking long this meeting is fucking. going.


Thursday, August 06, 2009


been too much going on right now.

this may be a little emo, so pass on, gentle readers.

i feel like my life has been falling apart.

work, well, it's been overwhelming to say the least. work keeps on coming in, and we keep not hiring people. and i keep finding myself feeling, well, like i'm a newspaper copy editor again, and not in a good way.

(because in the ad world, project management, interactive design/production, interactive design/production, proofreading, editing, and writing are all different positions and not lumped into one [like a newspaper copy editor, although lately], i've been doing everything mentioned. and i do it not because i'm a martyr, i do it because i want work to be fucking done, but it never seems like it is.)

anyway. it's been a little much. and especially this week, when this stupid bitch i work with went to hr (whom i've been working very closely with these past few months) to say that basically she wants to be doing what i should be doing but i don't have time for (i.e., long term project planning/concepting). which pissed me off, because i've been trying to do that, but not had the time for it, but because she's "bored" and wants to do it, well, she did come out of a golden vagina.

then there's my personal life. which is pretty null/invalid right now.

i have no social life. and for the past couple of months, it's felt like i've been going through two breakups. the first being that my very closest friend at the moment had to move out of austin. which really devastated me. she was my closest confidante. if i had a bad day at work, i could almost always count on her to go out and drink with me and let me vent. and we had our usual routine, which went to shit of late. and i hate change.

but it's left me in a bad situation. because i depended so much on her. she was my rock. now, i have no rock. sure, we can talk on the phone and e-mail, but it's not the same. and i'm all torn up inside. it's like i've been amputated. i don't know what to do.

then there's my other "breakup". i just don't know what to do. i just. we keep trying to be friends. but it's not working. we're never going to be what we want the other to be. i love this guy. i truly do. but he doesn't respect these feelings. he'll say shit like "we could be great if you'd get over this silly stuff." or something to that effect.

but i can't. i feel how i feel, and the fact that he seemingly does not respect these feelings hurts.

which is sad, because i feel like we could have something golden. but we get so distracted with everything else, that it falls through. we'll never be what we could be. which is a shame. or not. i just don't know how to deal with him anymore. it's too much. i'm tired of fighting. and we fight over the stupidest things.

but we keep fighting. and we keep coming back to each other. i just don't know if i can do it anymore. i just really can't and stay sane. not that i'm all that sane to begin with. but he and i, i just don't fucking know. i'm so tired of fighting, but when we're not fighting, it's like he's in this world of denial about he and i. i just. i think i need to be done. which is hard, since we work together.

i really have no idea where i am. i'm not happy. at any point. i just have no idea where to go from here. to anywhere. i feel so completely lost. like i'm in some dense fog, and the only refuge is some dark, dingy motel, but that motel will only bring bad to my life.

i have no idea where i am. and i have no one talk to about it.

and i'm scared.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009


ok, think i found the font for the quotation mark tattoo i want. yay!

now, let's go into said tattoo.

i think i've explained this to maybe one person, but i wanted to put out there why i want the sleeve that i want, starting with the quotation mark tattoo.

it started off as ripping off some guy i follow on flickr who's a designer and was in grad school and had to make his own font, and has gradually been adding on to his arm with characters in different fonts and colors.

that was the start. i thought it was a great idea. but then i had to spin it and make it my own.

as many of you know, i have a sordid, mixed past where i've worked as a designer, writer, editor, manager; you name it, i've probably done it. but a big driving force in my life has been to be a writer, in some shape or form. the whole reason of quitting my perfectly fine, stressful editorial job back in '01 was to go back to school and work on being a writer.

which didn't turn out all so well.

but anyway. when i was a designer, i was a huge font geek. i was way into typography, and was always trying to find just the right font to fit in with the right layout, and if i found a font that was close, i'd drop it into illustrator and tweak it until it was just what i wanted. in my head, the right font with the right layout helped convey the story better.

and that's where it ties back into the writer part.

when i think back on it, i've wanted to be a writer my whole life. as a child, i'd write stories weaving me into whatever cartoon i liked at the time. i'd write myself into most anything i read, because i loved everything i read, and i wanted to be a part of it. as i grew older, i found an outlet in journalism. not only could i have an opinion, but people could read it! or i could inform them about the major news of the day! and even later in adulthood, after quitting a job that stilted me creatively, i found myself working a delivery job, and being inspired. all around me were stories just waiting to be told. and it was sort of a renaissance period for me. then i went back to advertising/marketing, and thought i wanted to write for that. but not so much. or maybe it's because i ended up stuck with all the monotonous, uncreative assignments. which drained me a bit more.

anyway. what i'm trying to get to is, the sleeve that i want, what i ultimately want to get, i want it to be a work over time. i don't want to get it all at once, because that's not how stories are written. i want to work on it over time. i want to select the fonts, and decide which character would look best in that font. and in which color. and then add on. i want my sleeve to tell a story. i want to be able to, when asked, explain to people why i selected each font and each character and each color. i want each character to be a chapter, where they all build on each other until, bam, you have a complete story.

basically, i want to wear a novel on my left arm. my novel. and maybe in the end, it would make a hell of a dust jacket.


Due 8/25.

1) Find a new place to live. (NOTE: This is due ASAP or by 7/31.)

2) Hang out with friends that I've been neglecting.

3) Lose weight. (I need to lose at least 15 pounds for a good portion of my clothes to fit again.)

4) Buy a bike and learn how to ride it.

5) Write at least two short stories.

*change order is what the agency i work at calls the changes that need to be made once a job has been sent to a client. i know at least one other agency calls the same a job change, and i'm sure there are other names of the same thing out there. but that's the explanation for those wondering what the fuck a change order is.

Monday, June 08, 2009

i'm a powder keg waiting for a spark

what kind of fireworks that will produce (yelling, tears, general violence, all of the above and more), who knows.


Saturday, May 30, 2009

my saturday

saw drag me to hell. awesomeness. must see at least two more times in the theater.

went to mozart's, had a mocha and sat by the lake and read a chapter of the informers.

went to nasty's, had three whiskey sodas, and read two chapters of the informers. reading at a bar is awesome.

now i'm home and about to watch the notorious bettie page to complete my lili taylor movie week. i'll post about that later.


Monday, May 25, 2009

i danced in my underwear in public, and i liked it

matt's birthday party yesterday/last night. much drinking was had. beer, very strong margarita, two bottles of white wine (split betwixt brandy and myself), more beer. drinking started at 2:30-ish, and i cut myself off at around 10. came home close to 1 a.m. said dancing in underwear occurred around 11 and involved myself, my lovely hostess, and two other male friends.

fast forward to this morning. apparently i called and texted a certain someone. a lot. and i feel like a total jerkface about it. and i'm still trying to figure out why brandy wrote my name on my left arm.

overall, fun night. now i face today with an awesome hangover, much laundry to do, and the impending apologetic phone call i have to make to said person i was an annoyance to last night.