* People who use @ instead of an "a" in their name: Oh, you must think you are so original and so inventive. No one else would ever think of doing that. Except for the THOUSANDS that do it already. Way to be.
* Guys who "boi" instead of "boy": OK, we get it, you're gay and you like to misspell things. You think it's clever and possibly showing "gay pride" to call yourself a "boi." You are wrong.
* People who have too many friends: So I know one of the purposes of MySpace is to make friends. But come on, who really has more than 1,000 fucking friends?!? Show some restraint, people. Fifty would seem an OK number. One hundred or more is pushing it. Anything more than 200 is fucking ludicrous and Dark Helmet would tell you so as well before making you play with his dolls and have you compliment his schwartz.
* People whose background makes it hard to actually read what is in their profile:
OK, so you know a bit of HTML or Java or Flash. You don't need to throw it all together willy-nilly so that you can showcase your "personality." Really, sometimes (read: most if not all of the times) simplicity is best, and I'm not talking about clothes patterns.
* People who have scanty pics in their profiles: You know who you are. If I wanted to see boobs, I'd go elsewhere on the Internet. If I wanted to see washboard abs, I'd go elsewhere on the Internet and get to see more than just your abs. So you're a girl and you have a big rack. Big deal. If you're using your ginormous rack to get friends, then you need to reexamine your self-esteem, ho. And to the guys with the washboard, rock-hard abs: OK, you have a six-pack. You spend hours at the gym working on your body so you can look "hot." And I'm not saying it's not, but it's really annoying, almost more so than the idiots trolling for muscles and dick at gay bars. If you have to base yourself on your looks, then you too, Mr. Muscles, need to reevaluate your self-esteem. Looks aren't everything. Please realize this and STOP POSTING SCANTY PICTURES! Besides, I'm sure my six-pack of Lone Star tallboys could take your six-pack any day.
* Finding that my friends are friends with people I hate: This is always something I dread, and unfortunately I've been discovering more and more of this. It makes me wonder what it is that my friends can possibly see in these people I despise, because how could they be friends with two diametrically different people? But then I realize that people can be friends with whomever they want, and I don't ask questions. Besides, it's all in the cyber-realm. If I had to hang with these despised people in real life, well, I'd make them as uncomfortable as possible because I'm a rude motherfucker like that.
* Finding that your friends are friends with former bandmates of yours: While this might be a good thing for some, not so much with me. The few bands I've been in, well, they didn't end amicably, usually with one or two people in the band usually basically forcing me out. And yeah, I like to hold grudges (and I know they stll hold grudges against me).
* Finding friends are friends with your ex's: This is another I just recently uncovered with my MySpace sleuthing. While disturbing, it has led to some rather great gaffaws. One example would be an ex of mine who made me gain weight so he could be the skinny one in the relationship, and he's now fat. I know it's pety and wrong and mean-spirited, but it's still incredibly hilarious! However, finding out one of your ex's is now "bi" and married ... not so much.
* Having the constant reminder of "the one that got away": So back in 1998-99, this guy Tim (from Indiana) and I had this intense online/phone thing going, where we were both really considering an option for us to actually be together. It didn't work out because neither of us could afford to move to another state and risk us not being as great together as we thought we would be, choosing to keep the "great relationship" we envisioned in our heads, but it's the thought that counts, right? And then we both got boyfriends and we thought we'd forget about each other. And we stayed in each others lives on again-off again until around 2002 when I moved up here. Years went by. Then I discovered his profile on MySpace earlier this year. I sent him a friend request, which he turned down. He has a boyfriend who's a musician. Who is my age. Who could've been me. But I can't dwell on things like that. Instead, I visit Tim's page, read his thoughts, laugh at the pics of him being silly, laugh at his blog entries of him being silly (and getting his first "heavy breather" phone call), remember the good times we had, and hope that maybe he's doing the same with me. And then I realize that I've never met a guy like him and probably never will. See, that's why it's bad to have that damn reminder ...
1 comment:
I think you forgot a few, my friend. Take, for instance, the accessibilty of most of the profiles. I, for one, can't read white text on a baby-pink background, and I'm sure most other people can't either.
Sloppy coding is another. I've seen profiles make my computer crawl to a standstill (and I have a pretty powerful PC here). Why? Because they've got so much useless trash on them, unclosed tags, unsupported tags, and everything inbetween to make your browser throw up it's hands in panic.
And then they say "Yeah, I can code HTML and make good websites."
Really, it makes me sick.
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