Morning fun time

Why is Marilyn Manson still around, and why is he talking shit about Harry Potter? Isn't that like the pot calling the kettle a cocksucking satanist?

Damn you, Angelina Jolie! Like it isn't enough that you stole Brad away from her, now you got some crazy guy breaking into Jen's palacial, beachfront digs?* Have you no shame? (In a related note, Brad and Angelina took the kids to a dinosaur museum. That is so David-and-Keith of them. Especially since the kids are adopted. Oh, wait, so does that mean there's a video of Brad giving/getting a blowjob from his boss? Is Angelina's brother going to die? Very strange, indeed.)

These people belong in a zoo. Seriously. Keep them there. Maybe they'll go all panda and refuse to mate. Or maybe they'll be like lesbian seagulls. But we'll never know if you let them out of captivity!

Ashlee Simpson to "perform" on Oprah. What's that Ashlee? You're trying to make people forget that you're a lip-synching waste of an "artist"? Your dad's a perv? Your reality show is idiotic at best? Well, at least you're fessing up to it. Now don't you feel better?

Only on Craigslist would you find someone wanting to trade assless chaps for comic books.

The theme song to Martha Stewart's version of The Apprentice will be "Sweet Dreams" by the Eurythmics. So will Martha be abusing or using her Apprentice wannabes? I'll go with abusing, but with a very lovely, handmade weapon that she just loves.

People never fuck on a mattress in the street in Austin. Ladies and gentlemen, I think I'll be off to New York now. I said good day!

* According to Yahoo News, Orlando Bloom is Jen's stalker. Just go to their entertainment news page and look under movie news. And I thought only Google News did stuff like this.