morning reading time

Mr. Gatti's found dies at 87. His last request was to be ground up and used as a topping for his pizzas. Customers will never figure it out as Gatti's already tastes like it was dead people for a topping.

What are you doing? Are you eating lunch? We don't do that here at Wal-Mart! Now put down the taco and get off your lazy, illegal Mexican ass and work work work! I AM WAL-MART!!!

Just when you thought the ass raping had ended, Hurricane Rita and her 22x22-inch cock come heading your way, and by you, I mean Texas or Louisiana. You know, this whole "natural diasater" thing? I'm so over it. Seriously. Besides, hurricanes are so last year. They belong in the same category as Corey Haim or Corey Feldman. So, come on, stop with the hurricanes already, unless you're going to name one after Susan Lucci. Because that would make sense.

An open letter to CBS: Dear CBS entertainment executives, please, please, please, if you love us, understand that we, as a world, do not need an Everybody Loves Raymond spin-off. We really don't. Especially with the stupid brother. This show already exists. It's called Joey, and it does horribly on NBC. Yes, we realize that Brad Garrett won an Emmy, and if you're going to do this spin-off, you have to do it now while the industry is still buzzing. But the industry won't be buzzing by the time the show comes out. OK, well, the industry will be buzzing, but it's not our fault the industry is a bunch of boozers. So, again, please, there's already Joey. There's really no other reason to give as to why this show shouldn't be made. Thanks.
Sincerely,
Someone who doesn't watch CBS at all

Wow, Sprint's going to offer radio service, easing podcasts. Man, you know, podcasts are so great. They're really the new wave of indie radio. They are just so, gosh-darn great. Have you ever listened to any? Yeah, me neither.

Hey, ever wondered what Courtney Love reads? Yeah, me neither, and I like the broad.

Oh my, OK, we get it, Stelter, you miss Peter. You want others to miss Peter, too. But you don't have to do three, consecutive posts about his fucking memorial service. He's already dead; you don't need to keep sucking his cock.

The Associated Press has a weird definition for "completion," and Gawker loves exploiting that definition. Or rather, expose.