Friday fun time

I need this shirt. And this one. Thank Shiva Randy & Moss reopened the store. Now get your shirts before lawyers make them stop selling them. As far as Threadless goes, I want this one and this one and this one and this one. (OK, so the last two are sold out, but a guy can dream, right?)

In real news, the Vatican will allow gay men to be priests, but only if they can prove they've been celibate for three years. In related news, Jimmy Fallon plans to star in a movie about a gay fellow who is down on his luck in the romance department and decides to become a priest, and wacky highjinks ensue. Queen Latifah to co-star. (Go ahead and not laugh, because if this was a real Fallon movie, you wouldn't be laughing anyway, right? And doesn't it just sound like a terribly unfunny movie that Fallon would cook up? That's what I thought.)

I never thought I'd live to see the day that the words "Nobel," "prize," "fake," "testicle," and "dog" would ever be in the same sentence, let alone a headline. But at least now I know where to go when I'm in need of a fake dog testicle, which you can never have enough of. I use them as ice cubes to put in guests drinks. And that's a good thing.

INXS to tour with new lead singer, which was procured from a reality show. Somewhere, Michael Hutchence looks sexy, sheds a tear, and thanks himself for committing suicide.

Just when I thought Judith Miller couldn't be mocked any more, then I stumble upon this. High hilarity here, folks.

Journalists like it when a president is in trouble? You don't say? Wait a minute, here's another news flash: Tara Reid likes to drink and party. Wait, here's another one: Paris Hilton is nothing but a whore in Louis Vuitton. Oh, here's another one: Gay men are attracted to other men. Wow. I feel so enlightened right now.

Sinead O'Conner has a problem with Andie MacDowell's hair. She threatens to shave her head if she ever runs into her. Sinead, why don't you come my way? I need a haircut. Do I have to be in an annoying commercial before you'll do that? Because that could be arranged ...

Hmm, this headline would probably feel more at home on Gawker or Defamer, really. But ABC New? Meh.