Getting Up Front: Day 2

Wow. How much do I not care that Grey's Anatomy is being moved to Thursdays at 8 p.m.? Do I really have to answer that? Because I could care less about the show. I've even stopped watching Desperate Housewives. Because, well, there was no more guy-on-guy action. Oh well. But I do know people that are rabid fans of Grey's Anatomy, and I'm sure this move will send them in for some rabies shots. Gah.

Anyway. So today ABC released their fall schedule, and, well, as you can tell, the aforementioned show's move is probably the big shake-up. Meh. The move pits Anatomy against CSI and the new Studio 60, and possibly The O.C. (if it makes the cut; stay tuned).

Anyway, let's start (or rather, continue) Day 2 of the 2006-2007 Upfronts with the shows that won't be returning to ABC this fall. America was obviously not ready to accept that an earth girl that is easy can lead the free world, seeing as how Commander in Chief was canceled. America was also not ready to accept that Heather Graham or John Stamos could not get anyone they want by not watching Emily's Reasons Why Not and Jake in Progress. And I'm sure people won't miss Crumbs, Freddie (it's the couch for you; sorry SMG), In Justice (a blind cop? come on; and, plus, Rena Sofer equals canceled show, duh), Invasion (poor Josh Snyder never gets a chance), or Sons & Daughters (which I never knew existed until I heard it was canceled). And I guess Kelly Ripa better be happy with just one job now that Hope & Faith has met it's maker. Oh no. Now that I've said that, All My Children is probably plotting to bring her back, and be possibly pregnant. Gah!

OK, now onto the sked.

Monday: No change in the schedule, and no change in my viewing habits. Eat it, ABC!

Tuesday: Dancing with the Stars or some other reality show crap will lead the night, followed by an hour of new "comedies" (and there's a reason I put that in quotations, folks), Let's Rob ... (and yes, the ellipsis if part of the name) and Help Me Help You, followed by Boston Legal at 9 p.m. Rob features a bunch of nobodies plotting to (you guessed it) rob Mick Jagger's apartment. Kinda sounds like somebody saw that episode of Friends where Phoebe used Ross's kid to try and meet Sting, only instead of meeting, it's robbing, and really, someone thought a whole show about this would work? Someone needs to get fired. And as for Help Me Help You, does Ted Danson really need another show? I think not.

Wednesday: Just more crap. Yes, I just called Lost crap. Learn it, live it, love it.

Thursday: Joining the aforementioned relocated Grey's Anatomy are Big Day (7 p.m.), Notes from the Underbelly (7:30 p.m.), and J.J. Abrams latest attempt at a show, Six Degrees (9 p.m.). Big Day—which stars Josh Cooke (he of many canceled shows), Wendie Malick (really?), and the chick from Hedwig—is about a wedding day. Told through the POV of someone different. Every week. Gosh, that's interesting, right? Underbelly is about an expecting couple and how a baby affects their relationships with people. Sigh. Rachael Harris, just go back to The Daily Show already. Or do something with Kirstie Alley. Please? And then there's Six Degrees. It's like Friends, if they didn't know each other but their actions affected each others lives and one of the friends would be that guy from crazy/beautiful. But of course, it's an Abrams show, so people will eat this shit up like it's Soylet Green. Sigh.

Friday: This night starts off with Betty the Ugly at 7 p.m., which is based on a telenovela about an ordinary-looking woman working in high fashion, and I'm sure wackiness ensues. The only names that stick out are Eric Mabius (last seen as the pedophilic, hard-ass dean on The O.C.), Vanessa Williams (oy ...), and the dead old guy from The O.C. (sense a pattern?). Meh. It's followed at 8 p.m. by Men in Trees. Think Northern Exposure, only with Anne Heche in the lead role. And, you know, kinda sucky. Again, meh.

Saturday: Gah. Football.

Sunday: Only new thing on Sunday is Brothers & Sisters (not to be confused with the aforementioned canceled Sons & Daughters) at 9 p.m. It's a drama about family secrets and blah blah blah. It stars she-who-doesn't-eat-but-says-she-does (aka Calist Flockhart), Brenda from Six Feet Under, and '80s hunk Balthazar Getty. Wow. With a cast like, well, I have nothing else to say. I'll be watching Adult Swim, thank you very much.

As for the midseason pinch hitters (my new favorite term, BTW; take that baseball), I won't be watching Day Break, not even if Adam Baldwin is naked and turgid in every scene. Not even if he and Taye Diggs play a round of sword fighting (without real swords, if you catch my drift). Hmm. Wait. Maybe I would watch it then. Call me when that happens. As for In Case of Emergency, I offer this open letter to the ABC executives:

Dear ABC executives:
No one wants to see anyone from In Case of Emergency in said show. Each cast member is already enmeshed in the minds of viewers from other shows. Lori Loughlin will always be the chick that fucked Uncle Jessie and bore him twins on Full House. Greg Germann will be the guy from Ned and Stacey (or Ally McBeal). No one really gives a shit about Jonathan Silverman. And, poor, dear, misguided David Arquette, there's really only room for one Arquette on a major TV network, and Patricia already called dibs. Let him join Alexis on cable. So, you know, don't let this show see the light of day. Thanks.
Sincerely,
LtFlux.

And, well, everything else is not even worth mentioning, which really says a lot, don't it?

So there you have it; there's nothing on ABC that would even remotely want to watch. But, you know, that's just me. For more proper coverage, visit Zap2It. And check back from updates, where I will link to people that say stuff that actually matters about this load of crap. And tomorrow, I attack the CSI networkCBS: stay tuned.

UPDATE (5/17, 9:30 a.m.): Oh, yeah, MyNetwork TV also released their prelim sked yesterday, although it only consists of two shows so far. (For those who don't remember, MyNetwork is a new netlet from Fox that will air shows that didn't make the cut for Fox, as well as programming just for it, such as shows following the telenovela format.) According to the Statesman, MyNetwork shows will air on the Austin WB affiliate (which becomes a CW affiliate in the fall) from 9 p.m. to 11 p.m.

For some proper coverage of the upfronts:

• NY Times compares new shows to movies.
• LA Times speculates about what shows CW will keep from The WB and UPN.
• Defamer does what it does best.