Superman ... returns?

I saw Superman Returns this morning. Oh my. Was I the only one that laughed out loud at Lois getting thrown around the airplane? And what was up with that? She wasn't injured at all? She was thrown around like a ragdoll on a fragging airplane and was even in antigravity at one time ... and nothing? I've had tamer sex than that and been bruised for days. Maybe this Lois is really from Krpyton, like Kal-El. Maybe she's really Linda Lee Danvers!

And am I the only one that wanted to strangle Jimmy Olsen? I mean, he's supposed to be annoying ... but this guy was way more annoying than any Jimmy Olsen I've witnessed. Even Golden Age Jimmy. Oy.

The movie did have a lot, though. We had Skeletor, La Femme Nikita, Kumar of Harold & Kumar (may he rest in peace), and, of course, what movie can be complete without a dead bisexual actor. Heh.

And what was the deal with Brandon Routh? He certainly did get down the extreme awkwardness that Clark Kent embodies (at least in the movies), but ... meh. I didn't care for him too much, but then again, I haven't really cared for him since he was Seth on One Life To Live. He must give some really good head, because I'm pretty sure there are other actors in Hollywood (or not in Hollywood) that would've made a better Superman than Routh.

And while I'm talking about casting, really, Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane? I was holding out on judging her until I saw the movie, and now I see I shouldn't have even given her a chance. She kinda gets Lois down, but oy.

And don't get me started on Lois's kid being Superman's. Does that make his name really Jason Superman? Did she get him circumsized and is she taking him to temple? I can see the title of the next movie now: Superman's Super Custody Suit.

Now ... the good. Kevin Spacey was great as Lex Luthor. Just the right slightly-near-the-top crazy scientist. And, while Parker Posey was great as Kitty Kowalski (although I wished she had embodied more Dr. Girlfriend than ditzy super-villian girlfriend), I think the former Queen of the Indies has gotten pigeon-holed into mainstram cliche roles. Let's review: she's been the bitchy (ex)girlfriend in You've Got Mail, ditzy star in Scream 3, ditzy evil girl in Josie and The Pussycats, and now ditzy super-villian girlfriend. Parker, honey, I think it's time to get a new agent ... or go back to indies ... or As The World Turns.

And for the real "superman" of the movie ... James Marsden! Merciful Zeus, I wish Cyclops had been as well-written (and developed) of a character that Richard White is. James was probably my favorite part of the movie. But, of course, with the whole Superman/Lois thing (and their possible rekindling), where does that leave Richard? I'll tell you this now, if in the next movie, they bring back Lana Lang and she's played by Famke Jensenn and they hook her up with Richard White, I'll be pissed.

OK, that's all I have to say about this movie. Go away now.