gayest thing or not?

right as i was starting to get tired again and turn in, i had to go to the bathroom. after i finished using the bathroom and was washing my hands, i glanced up in my mirror. i saw a roach on the wall, near the ceiling.

so i, of course, panicked! look, i know it's not manly and shit and just seems like a girly thing to be scared of bugs. but i'm not scared of all bugs. just roaches and bees. bees, well, because they sting, and i once got one stuck in my hair (when i had long hair) and it stung my scalp. (same thing happened to my older sister once.)

but roaches, my fear of roaches goes way back to my childhood (seems to be a theme tonight). when i was really young, my house was basically infested with them. and my dad was usually too stoned or drunk to care about finding a way to rid our house of roaches. there were many times (earliest i can remember being when i was 4, last being around 14) where i would wake up to feeling not one, but several roaches on me. yeah. you'd fucking be traumatized, too.

now, i haven't encountered many roaches since moving up to central texas. and the ones i have were usually on the floor and smallish.

tonight's bathroom roach: big and near the ceiling. i started freaking out, because, well, childhood trauma, and i realized that i don't own a broom. i don't own a broom! so i tried to improvise. i got an old copy of the chronicle and rolled it up. that wouldn't do. that would require me to get closer to it.

i realized i didn't have any roach spray (what, with hardly running into them), so i used the next best thing that i have that squirts: cleaning sprays. i first tried my bottle of fantastik, which didn't squirt very far. so i moved on to tilex, which squirted quite far, which allowed me to maneuver the roach to the shower area. the tilex smell started to get to me, so i switched to febreeze, which didn't do much.

then, i realized something — i had waterguns! i ran to the living room, got a watergun, filled it up in the kitchen, ran back to the bathroom, and proceeded to shoot at the roach until it fell into the tub. once in the tub, i smashed him with my rolled up chronicle while yelling "take that, asshole!" then i scopped him up, flushed him down the toilet, and used some tilex to clean up where i smashed him, and then went outside and threw the messy chronicle away.

now how the fuck am i supposed to get to sleep?!?