the thing about crushes

crushing has been on my mind lately. the funny thing about when i crush is that it usually doesn't ever go past me thinking the guy is cute and possibly a kissing fantasy. not so much a fantasy, just a peck or two on the lips or cheek. i know it's tame, but that's how i think. very much like a whore-ish 13-year-old girl.

part of it is usually that i crush on unattainable guys. meaning mostly straight guys. because, let's face it, i don't really know or tend to get along with other 'mos. but crushing on straight guys is almost always a relief because i know i can get the little fantasy, get my little, black heart crushed when i see the guy with a girl, and then get over it and move on to crushing on some other unsuspecting (well, i'm sure most suspect) straight guy.

when it comes to the few 'mos i have crushed on, again, unattainable or partly attainable and just got out of a relationship or not into me. or i come on too strong. i did this with the last 'mo i crushed on, trying too hard too soon, and i blew it. eh, i'm over it, anyway.

i find it fun to crush often. over the past several months, it kept my mind off my breakup and helped me move on quite a bit. i'd have my tame little fantasies, hypothetical conversations with myself, get depressed about it, and move on to my next victim. currently, i have two.

there have been some very memorable crushes. there was this one friend of a friend, danny, who i had a famous crush on. then one night while we were all drinking, danny shows up and i drunkenly say he can't come in unless he shows us his dick. and he did. my crush ended a little there, because it went over the line. i never once thought the straight guy i was crushing on would step over that line. oh well. another famous crush was this guy by the last name of moody, which ended up really awkward and blah blah blah.

man, can i go on and on about nothing or what?