my office was closed again today. and i'm starting to get a little stir crazy, what with not leaving my apartment for three straight days. and by leave, i mean use my car since i did go out on my little photo-taking excursion yesterday. ok, i did take a quick trip to h-e-b last night for pizza and beer, but that doesn't count, either, because the soup man says so.
but working from home? not so much. do you know how hard it is to
speaking of walking in the street, that's the only good thing that has come out of this winter weather: making fun of the local news. seriously. the way this weather has been covered, you'd think it was the apocalypse (which is how i've been refering to the weather, fyi). you'd think we were living on a hellmouth and there should be a slayer fighting an evil snowman. or anchors saying something similar to "mayhem caused, monsters certainly not involved, officials say".
dar and i spent today and yesterday in thorough, mocking local news mode. here are some excerpts:
dar: up next, an elephant who never forgets to de-ice his roads!
me: MLK wouldn't stay off the roads
me: no, you're supposed to stay off the road! the local news anchors say so!
dar: you men. with your ... news.
me: news8 just recommended wearing mittens, not gloves
dar: oh for the love of god
me: i know
dar: and now a word from our sponsor
dar: DANSKIN MITTENS ON SALE AT FOLEY'S TODAY ONLY
on news8, this "helpful tip" spawned much mockitude: "if you suffer a power outage, you should turn everything off"
dar: if you suffer a power outage, you should call your neighbor and say, "is your refrigerator running?"
dar: if you suffer a power outage you should immediately email news8austin.com and let them know
dar: if you suffer a power outage you should lie down until it goes away
me: if you suffer a power outage, you should masturbate furiously
dar: if you suffer a power outage you should immediately consult with your doctor and do not induce vomiting
dar: if you suffer a power outage you should STAY OFF THE ROADS
me: if you suffer a power outage, you should stick something silver in a power socket until the power comes back on
dar: if you suffer a power outage you should pile all the paper in your home into the middle of the living room and load your shotgun
me: if you suffer a power outage, you should fill your bathtub with water and pray they don't find you
dar: WEAR MITTENS NOT GLOVES
dar: UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES WEAR GLOVES
dar: IF YOU DO NOT HAVE MITTENS DO NOT LEAVE THE HOUSE
dar: DO NOT ATTEMPT TO USE SOCKS AS MITTENS
dar: there were some teenagers near the pool earlier making snowballs
me: were they naked?
dar: no and get this
dar: they were wearing gloves
me: GASP!
me: they're supposed to be wearing mittens!
me: did you yell that out at them?
dar: no i was speechless
me: so apparently if you don't have an ice scraper, you're supposed to try a credit card
dar: that's stupid
me: i know
me: i myself have found cds to work rather well as ice scrapers
me: besides, the credit card will just charge you for the scraping
dar: exactly
and in non-weather related notes:
dar (in regards to me wanting to get a muffin or something of the sort at the starbucks across the street from my apartment): why do you want a pastry from the CAG?
me (in regards to having downloaded, watched, then promptly deleted another gay movie): i wish someone could invent a time machine and go back in time to stop me from watching it, but then that might create some weird paradox where i ended up having to watch it at some point, and that ruins the whole paradox
me: what's he doing?
dar: he's sitting there
dar: but he looks like that guy
dar: from the show
me: what show?
dar: the show called "i hate my job" or something
me: uh, does that exist?
me: outside of your head, that is
dar: yes
dar: he's a comedian
dar: white dude, kinda big
me: that's A LOT of guys on tv
dar: and also he does that fake game show called what's my line or something
me: oh, drew carey
dar: RIGHT
me: you should NEVER go on pyramid
but seriously. weather, you need to clear up tomorrow because i don't know how much more of my apartment i can take.
oh, yeah, and i still don't have a working fridge. oy.
6 comments:
i'm going insane as well. i'm stuck at mark's, so at least heb is across the street. we went there late last night and the store was full of wandering groups of really scrappy looking guys who were obviously high.
and all the bananas were green and inedibleh. apocalypse nowish.
that was supposed to be inedible. but i like my new word but better.
inedi-bleh. get it? it will catch on. it will sherp it's way into your heart soon enough.
i also like to say "but better." can i go outside now, please?
i'll stop spamming you now.
STAY IN YOUR HOMES!
i totally love inedibleh. in fact, i've encountered many foods i've considered inedibleh.
and at least you said but better. you could've said but butter, and then i'd've had to ... not read it?
i wish i'd've been high these past few days. guess i'm not scrappy enough. =(
four days with no comments hmmmmm
are you still wearing your mittens?
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