you don't pee where you sleep

a friend of mine from work quit today. he was a friend i never expected to make. i had a crush on him when i first started working there, but after a couple of months, i never thought of it again because i didn't even know his name. but he still seemed like a really cool guy that i'd like to meet, but, well, i didn't for a while because, in my head, well, i'm gay, so straight guys don't want to be friends with me. and i largely forgot about it.

but then we became friends. because of velouria. and i found out he thought that i seemed cool, too. and he really is a great guy, and very talented. and work became a place i didn't feel horrible going to, because i had him and velouria to talk to. and hang out with on the weekend. and even though i knew he was probably going to quit, i felt extremely sad when i found out for sure he was quitting. which happened earlier today.

and now i'm depressed. because i'm not good at keeping friends. and i don't want to lose him as a friend, especially because he's a guy, and i don't have very many guy friends. and now i have one less friend at work. and in less then two weeks, i'll have two less friends at work because velouria will be gone. and after that, i'll have a couple of people at work that i consider friends but don't really hang out with outside of work a whole lot. and velouria and dusty were really the people that made work be ok for me to go to.

i miss dusty already. he has a bright future in front of him. and i'm glad about that. i just wish i wasn't being so selfish about it.