jinx

i met this guy online a couple of weeks ago. we met in real time last week. it was great. we talked about the idiot! and about local bands of which we both know members. and foreign movies. i think that's a first for anyone i've ever met. and he's cute and easy going. so for the past week, we've hardly spoken. we have very different lifestyles right now (most notably, he's employed and i'm not). i'm trying to use that as why we haven't spoken much this week. but deep down, i just think it's because i'm an overbearing asshole. we met, and i thought, "omg, he's interested in me!" and went from there. with the e-mails and such. i'm so desperate for any contact (platonic or otherwise) that i probably scared him off. i know i shouldn't think that way, but when it's been so overwhelmingly true, it's hard to not go there.

blah.

undermining myself is my best forte.

ha.