jack of no trades

back when i was working in the newspaper industry, i was known as a jack of all trades because, well, i could cover almost any aspect of the newspaper (except, you know, working in circulation and running the press, although i did some negative splicing in my day). it's just something i picked up on over the years in hopes of learning everything and moving up in some aspect. need someone to cover city council last minute? ask mando. need someone to take pics at the football game friday night? ask mando. need the website updated? ask mando. should there be a comma there? ask mando.

eventually, i found my specialty in copy editing and page design. but mostly copy editing. at some point, i think while i was working in harlingen, i was given the nickname "the walking stylebook" because i had nearly total recall of the AP stylebook. but my heart wasn't in editing. i wanted to write; specifically, i wanted to be in features/entertainment.

so i went back to school, this time in san marcos, and i worked for the school paper there. i went in with the idea of just writing, but reality snuck in quickly and i took an editorial job. while i found out i was kinda good at planning and concepts and such, i also found out i really wasn't that great of a writer or designer. and i think that's when my insecurities really started kicking in. up to that point, i thought i could do anything. beneath my relentlessly pessimistic exterior was this optimistic, idealistic little boy who thought he could do or be anything he wanted to be.

reality is a kick in the face that way.

it also made me wonder if my friends at the school paper were my friends because they liked me or if they were merely tolerating me until i graduated or dropped out again. i kind of lean towards tolerating since the only people i'm still friends with from those days are tanya and leanne.

the jack of all trades thing was also a set back for me when i started working at the seguin paper. because since i was a jack of all trades, they expected me to do everything. which i was not at all comfortable with. well, there are other reasons why i wasn't comfortable in that job (like the fact that while my job title was copy editor, i was expected to make sales, too, for engagement, anniversary, and wedding announcements and obits [but i guess if i need to find a job in retail, i can say i have four months of customer service experience, eh?]), but that's neither here nor there right now.

the point i'm trying to get to is that while i started as a jack of all (newspaper) trades years ago, i now have no marketable skills. yes, i can tell you if a word is misspelled and if you should use a comma or a semicolon and all that jazz, but i have no idea how to make a formula work in excel. or how to write a formal letter. i don't know proper phone etiquette. while i know basic HTML and can make corrections in dreamweaver, i have no idea how flash or java or perl scripts work. i was never any good with illustrator or photoshop. i was a whiz in quark, but most places use indesign now. and while i can keep a project on schedule, i have no idea how to use microsoft project.

i need a nap.