fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck

remember how i was planning on going back to school in january to finally finish by bachelor's?

yeah, change of plans, thanks to swt financial aid. essentially, since i made so much in '06, and fafsa says so, i'm only eligible for a loan. which, you know, i was fine with. but swt also has a way of screwing over its seniors.

i finally heard from financial aid today. i got one loan. the amount equaling just a little over $1,000. that won't pay for tuition. well, full-time tuition.

yeah. so i'm fucked. and for those of you saying maybe i should apply for a loan not through my college, let me just say that my first go-round in college, i got several credit cards and racked up quite the debt. and i defaulted on those cards in '03. so yeah.

and i'm feeling especially stupid because, subconsciously, i knew this would happen. mostly because, really, i was kinda excited about going back to school. which was the first mistake. i should've learned by now that whenever i get excited about anything, it's going to get all fucked up right in front of my fucking face. so i'm feeling stupid because, well, i've fucked myself over. i was only looking for part-time or freelance jobs because i was planning on being back in school in january. but now that can't happen, and i've just wasted the past three months.

stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid. stupid.

and how will i deal with this? i'm going to drink.

heavily.

even though i can't really afford it because, right now, i only have enough money to get me through to the end of january living tightly and still have money to pay my taxes (because i still owe them money from my freelance work).

drinking. heavily.

yup.