the most inspired thing i've written in a long time

earlier this week, i was talking with my boss about how i'm just not all too creative anymore. and it's true. most of the time, i just don't have any creative juices in me. especially when i'm writing at work; i'm either too marketing or not marketing enough.

anyway. the following is something i wrote several weeks ago concerning a certain someone. i was a little inebriated when i wrote it, and a little drunk when i originally edited it. but it stands true nonetheless. and while i've spoken with the inspiration for this since i've written this, it still stands true. and it really makes me sound like a lovelorn 13-year-old fat girl.


i can't find the words to talk to you. i cut things off, and while it does hurt, i feel it's for the best. and the reasons why are multiple.

you didn't want any drama. and i respect that. and it's why i went the route i did. just a short, clean cut. but it seemed like you wanted some feedback.

so here i go. i just couldn't do it anymore. and i don't know when i can do it again. i can't even look at you. because when i do look at you, i see what i want to see. i feel your arm around me. i see your smile right before you kiss me on a sunny day outside of alamo south. i hear us talking about the boys or preacher or watchmen or some weird, cheesy horror movie we said we'd watch together but never did. i see and hear and feel all these things that never happened and never will, and realize that they never will, and i have to live with that.

and i don't know if, when i get over this, if i can ever look you in the eyes again. but i've only felt like this once before. and i never thought i'd feel this way again, and definitely not toward you. you are a refreshing essence, and definitely someone, something i never thought i'd experience again. it makes me happy, and saddens me at the same time. because, while i'm happy i can feel this happy again, it just figures that it would happen with someone with whom it would be impossible to live happily ever after.

so i'm sorry this went on as long as it did. i'm sorry we can't talk about this. but i guess you deserve to know. and i'm sorry if this knowledge saddens you, disgusts you, or insert-emotion-heres you. i wish things were somehow different, but life doesn't work like that. and i'm sorry i felt like i had to put this on craigslist in hopes you might stumble upon it rather than try and talk this out in person while holding back any tears and emotions that may come out. i'm a coward like that.