talking soaps

So it's been a while since I've written a solid soap column. I used to do it at least bi-weekly for the school paper at SWT (because, hello, what else are you supposed to watch between classes). I started this blog to try and better my writing skills, and that has taken to the backburner for most of the time. So here's my first stab back at writing a soap column. Let's see if it sticks. I'll be trying to do this at least weekly from now on, and with the new fall, primetime season starting up, I'll hopefully be writing about the shows, doing reviews, and, of course, reporting on gossip. OK, so here goes.

She better be a fucking doctor now

This week it was reported through various sources, one namely being TV Guide, that Kimberly McCullough will be returning to General Hospital as Robin Scorpio, with her first airdate being Oct. 12, when Robin will return to Port Charles from Paris because of an emergency.

McCullough played the role from 1985 to 1997, and has come back for a couple of episodes after, including a very short stint on All My Children when her mother, Anna Devane (Finola Hughes), returned from the dead. She's most recently had a recurring role on the now-canceled Joan of Arcadia.

So, as we GH fans remember, Robin left Port Charles to study medicine in Paris when she left in 1997, although she didn't leave before ruining her ex-boyfriend Jason's life by telling his brother A.J. that he was Michael's real father. Most recently, Jason has been suffering from some head problems and will be losing some of his memory. My prediction is that something will happen to him that requires some sort of brain surgery, and they'll have to call in an expert, which will just so happen to be Robin, who by now should be a fucking doctor, already. Seriously, if she's been in med school since 1997, well, she should be a pretty good specialist by now. Even with her AIDS and all. Either that, or the emergency she's called in for has something to do with one of her "cousins," Georgie or Maxie Jones. I guess we'll just have to wait until October to find out.

So does this mean Lucas is going to fuck a ganster?

So apparently my guess has been right that GH is planning on outing Lucas Jones as a big ol' homo. The current storyline has Maxie Jones and Brooke Ashton as being victims of some perv who's slipping roofies to girls at Port Charles University. All the signs have been pointing to Lucas as the culprit, but, come on, this is Lucas-fucking-Jones. He has childhood diabetes. His mom is reformed hooker/head nurse Bobbie Spencer. His uncle is lovable fuck-up Luke Spencer. His cousin is rookie cop Lucky Spencer. OK, so his sister Carly did sleep with his dad, causing his parents to break up, and thus fucking up Lucas's life a bit. That doesn't make him a date rapist.

But you could just see the gay thing coming a mile away. A couple of years back, GH introduced a supporting character for Georgie named Guy, who happened to be gay. And there were a couple of times he oggled Lucas. Eerie forshadowing? When Lucas shortly dated Brooke, it just didn't seem believable. Plus, Lucas does play soccer (OK, that's stretching there ... if it were rugby, then that would be totally gay ... but either way, male-on-male contact, short shorts; you get my drift, eh). And Lucas is being played by Ryan Carnes, who has played two gay characters elsewhere (as the guy fucking Bree's son on Desperate Housewives and as one of the leads in the gay indie film Eating Out, where he goes full frontal and has an explicit sex scene). Although, apparently Carnes is exiting his role as Lucas before he comes out and will be replaced by another pretty face, Ben Hogestyn. But this makes sense, really. Soaps have a tendency to recast a character when they start a new, encompassing storyline.

But let's see how this goes. Who will Lucas hook up with? Maybe they'll turn Diego gay, that way Lucas can be like his gangster-ho sister, Carly. Maybe GH will conveniently bring back Guy. Or maybe Lucas will be like every other gay character on daytime (sans Les-Bianca on All My Children) and not have any sort of love interest at all. Carnes's final airdate is Sept. 21; Hogestyn starts Sept. 22.

Farmer in the Fuck Del

So am I the only person in the world who had to look up who the hell Del Henry was when it was revealed that the winner of I Wanna Be A Soap Star, Alec Musser, would be playing said character? I mean, Del was only on the show for a little more than a year back in 1994 through summer 1995. And while I did watch AMC back then, I hardly remembered him. So I did some research on Soap Central and found Del's bio.

So for those wondering about Del, here he is in a nutshell. He's a former lover of Maria Santos-Grey (Eva LaRue), meaning he might have some not-so-nice run-ins with her sister, Julia (Sydney Penny). He's the half-brother of Dixie (Cady McClain; now Kelly Giddish as a character posing as Dixie) and has one of her kidneys. He teamed up with Kendall Hart (then played by Sarah Michelle Gellar; currently by Alicia Minshew) to write a tell-all book about Kendall and her mom, Erica Kane (Susan Lucci). They left Pine Valley in 1995, and when Kendall returned in 2002, she only briefly mentioned Del.

So there you go. Soap Star learned from its mistake and actually gave its winner a notable role, not just a glorified extra. Now I just need to catch up on my AMC ...