many moons ago ... OK, it was 1993 (the L.A. season) ... i had a dream. a dream to, one day, be a cast member of the real world.
but not just any cast member. oh no, i would be the worst cast member ever. sure, i'd finesse my way onto the show, play the producers into thinking i'd fit into one of their perfect little characters, maybe even combine a couple (i could've been the gay spic, killing two birds with one stone). but once there, i'd do everything in my power to get kicked out. this dream evolved over the years, with more and more detailed plans about how i would eventually get kicked off the show. i'd start in-fighting. i'd tell each girl that one of the other girls was saying she was a slutty ho-bag that goes down to the docks without panties on and just tells the sailors to dive in. i'd tell each guy that one of the other guys thinks he's gay and totally wants to sneak into his bed at night and just stick it in. (remember, please, that i concocted most of this while in high school and when the real world was still kinda OK to watch and not just another version of girls gone wild.) i'd find out people's secrets and literally write them on a board in the living room. i'd pee on people's beds, sometimes with them still in bed. i'd set things on fire. anything that would hopefully get me kicked off before the third episode.
and as the real world got stupider and stupider, my dream started to slowly fade away. i'd find some other way to get 15 seconds of fame. but now, now to be told that i'm too old to even stand in line to audition! this is how romy must have felt in that scene when she tries to get on singled out and they tell her to "try VH1."
oh well. who still watches MTV anyway? donkeys?
1 comment:
I think you missed your calling!
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