lame

my social life has pretty much gone down the tube this month. the friend i used to hang out with a lot is on a two-month road trip, so she's out of the picture for a while.

yesterday (or rather last night around 9 p.m.), i called a friend that i used to hang out with a lot with road-trip friend. went to voice mail. left a message. nothing.

today (or rather around 8:30 p.m.), i called another friend that i tend to hang out with maybe once or twice a month. went straight to voice mail. no message.

that's about it, unless i start calling friends that i only usually see out at music shows, and who probably think i'm an ass because i never call or e-mail. or they think i'm so busy that i don't have time to communicate like a normal person. i know they probably don't think this, and would probably like to get a call from me to hang out, or if they're out, they'd invite me to join them. but i don't call. because of what i think they think about me but they probably don't think what i think they think about me. it's self-fulfilling, really, because since i think everyone i'm friends with hates me when i'm not around, i just stay not around. oy.

last night, i just wanted to get out of the house; i've gotten tired of staying in and drinking by myself while i yell at the television. i couldn't think of anywhere to go that wouldn't be full of people i'd want to immediately strangle, so i went to chain drive to drink there by myself. it was good people watching, and some guy inadvertently bought me a drink, but i didn't stay long because i forgot to buy cigs on the way, and i only had three on me.

and now, here i am, another saturday night at home, drinking, and about to start yelling at the television. i totally live up to the title of this post. gah.