what not to ask a complete stranger

while i was waiting for the bus this afternoon after "work", i noticed this woman with the same hair style as i talking to this other girl at the bus stop. when the other girl got on her bus, i thought it odd that the woman didn't get on as well, for it seemed like maybe they had been together.

the woman sits at the bench, turns around to me and says "we have the same hair!" at this point, i got a better look at her. i couldn't tell if she was really punk or kinda homeless. she proceeded to talk to me, and i was being nice and conversing with her. she seemed all right.

then she asked me if i would be a payee. "a what?" i asked. "a payee. you would accept a check on behalf of someone."

i said, no, i probably would not be a payee. she asked why not. "it would make me uncomfortable," i said. then she gets this envelope out of her bag. it's from social security. while she was pointing along to the part about getting a payee, i was reading the part above it that said, yes, she qualifies for benefits, but giving her "situation" (which is what it said; i still don't know what her situation is), social security didn't think she should be handling her own benefits.

she was asking me to be her payee. i thought was she was just asking me if i would hypothetically be a payee. nope. this complete stranger had just come up to me at the bus stop and asked me to be the payee for her social security benefits.

what. the. fuck.

after she showed me the letter, she asked me directly if i would be her payee. i repeated my earlier answer about how it would make me feel uncomfortable. then she asked, "well, do you know any helpful people?" this made me feel bad, because she asked it sweetly, not showing any anger if she had any. i told her that i didn't know if anyone i knew was that helpful. then she said, "well thanks, anyway," smiled, and proceeded to talk to someone else at the bus stop. from overhearing, i could tell she was asking him the payee stuff, too.

i don't know how to feel about this situation. i mean, she has to be in a bad place if she's asking complete strangers on the street if they would accept money on her behalf, probably on a regular basis, meaning she'd become a regular part of this person's life. it's even sadder to think that she'd think she'd actually find a complete stranger to comply. but then i feel angry about the whole thing. i mean, what audacity she must have? how naive? i wouldn't be a payee to my parents, let alone a complete stranger! and then i feel sad again, because that could be me in the future. i'm not so good with people or relationships, i have a tendency to alienate people, and i can see myself being friendless and familyless and being in a similar situation as this woman.

so now i'm drinking about it. and i hope that woman found someone willing to make a difference in her life. and wishing i had her faith in human goodness. and wishing i myself were a better person.