more pre-emptive stressing

1. not so much pre-emptive, but i'm really stressing about not having found a job yet. and i'm really stressing because i've had to start looking at non-proofing/editing jobs, and applied for several, and not gotten a single call. it's stressy and depressy that i can't get a receptionist job that requires no experience. and i don't really know how to explain in cover letters why someone with as much experience in one field is looking for a job in another industry that someone fresh out of high school could get.

2. see previous post. only we've had some e-mails now. but i still think i'm coming on too strong (stalker-ish, even) and that maybe he's (yes, i can't believe i'm going to say this) just not that into me. well, as anything other than platonic. and that makes me a little sad. even though it shouldn't. or it should. i'm pathetic.

3. leanne and i are kinda in the process of starting a tv blog (because watching tv is our best forte*). we're still trying to decide what we're going to review and who's reviewing what and brainstorming and such. like a name for the blog. i have no idea for a name. well, i have some ideas, but they're completely stupid and i haven't mentioned them to leanne yet because, well, i can't even get myself to type them out. they're that bad. and i'm trying to get motivated about it more than i am, but when i get to sleep at 5 and wake up at 11 to watch young and the restless, then nap for an hour, wake up and watch as the world turns at 1, then lay around and watch bad tv ... i've fallen into this horrible rut and i really need to get on top of this tv blog stuff. i'm stressing myself out for no good reason. i just need to stop being lazy.

4. school. and going back in january. ok this is all reasonable freaking out. ok, i know i'll probably fall under the same catalog as when i originally enrolled. but what if i don't? what if they made this new rule and i have to fall under the current catalog? that means my "done in one semester" plan is shot to hell. but even if my plan isn't shot to hell, i've only been a full-time college student for three semesters of my entire college career! every other semester, i end up only attempting part-time status, or end up at part-time status because i can't hack some classes, or end up at part-time because i have to drop classes to be able to work, or i completely withdraw for the semester. sure, i have extra motivation to get it all done in the one semester ... but let's face it, i'm a quitter and a coward. when faced with a challenge, i get drunk then stay in bed for a couple of days and cry and get depressed and ignore everyone i know. i've gotten better about it in the past couple of years, but what if going back to school fucks with that (very little) progress i've made? also, i'd really like to work for the school paper again when i go back. but i'm afraid the faculty adviser will tell the editors not to hire me because of shit that happened toward the end of my last semester and after. and i'm a completely different person from who i was and where i was at then. part of my wants to just meet with the adviser and say, "hey, it's been almost four years, we've both moved on, please don't hold the past against me." and i probably should do that, but i'm afraid nothing good will come out of it. all i really wanna do is maybe copy edit and maybe write for the entertainment section. that's all. and maybe hang with the kids and regale them of the good ole days at the paper. essentially, i'm just scared completely shitless about it all.