comedy of errors

so even though i was instructed by the doctor i saw on friday to take it easy and rest a lot ... well, when i went in to work on friday, i picked up two weekend shifts. i know, i know, i'm just fucking up my health more, but i need the money.

anyway. saturday got off to a funny start, as my first delivery was to some guy i had a drunken one-night stand with a little over a year ago. he even gave me the "do i know you?" look, but i don't think it registered. either way, he gave a $5 cash tip, so he was my best delivery of the night.

my third delivery was ... interesting. i got to the apartment, knocked on the door. waited a little. no answer. knocked again, a little harder. waited a little. no answer. i was dialing the guy's number in my cell phone when he answers the door, dripping wet, with a towel around his waist. he says "sorry, i was in the shower and forgot you were coming over." i can't make this up, people! except, you know, it didn't take the porno route. and while he gave a shitty tip, well, it was worth it to have seen him wet and (almost) naked.

then there was this sorority girl who ordered a sandwich from austin java. when she came down to the lobby of her sorority house to pick up the order, she told me "oh my god, thank you i'm so hungry." then she walked away and i heard her talking to her food saying "oh, i'm gonna eat you, and you're gonna be so good." she may have changed my mind on sorority girls, because that was hilarious.

and speaking of austin java, i had to pick up a lot of orders from there saturday, and i couldn't tell if the cashier there was flirting with me a little or he was just being nice. with my luck, he was just being nice.

then i had three orders in a row that were somehow fucked up, address-wise. this one girl typed in that she lived in apartment 217 of her building. except ... she didn't. which was a little embarrassing for me when i knocked on apartment 217, and the girl that does answer is, well, a little confused. so i have to call the deliveree to ask her apartment number, and she says 617. and i say "oh, because on our form, it says 217." she says "opps. that's my bad. sorry." in this squeaky, high-pitched voice. gah. the order after that, which was going to a girl named bliss (seriously, i wish i were making this up; who names their kid bliss, anyway?), had instructions that it was going to a duplex and that "it was on the right". thinking that obviously meant the right side of the duplex, that is the doorbell i was ringing. only it looked like no one was home. so i rang the bell a couple of more times. nothing. so i call the girl up. she says she'll go outside. and yeah, she was on the left side of the duplex. and i said "oh, i'm sorry, on the form it said 'on the right', so i just assumed that meant the right side of the duplex." and she said "oh, no, i meant the right side of the street." who does that?!?! the third one, the one that almost got me ticketed by UT police, was because some girl ordered from jester and typed in her address as jester west, but she was really in jester east. i wanted to strangle her.

sunday deliveries weren't that exciting nor that busy. i guess we got all the people not watching the super bowl, which was fine with me. my deliveries were a pretty bland bunch except the for the first and second. the first went to a girl at a UT dorm. when we make a dorm delivery, we have to call them to meet us down in the dorm lobby. so i called this girl, and instead of ringing, it had some what sounded like a rap song playing. which really confused me. then the girl answered and i told her to come down. when she met me in the lobby, omg, i wanted to hug her. she was soooooo adorkable! she didn't look older than 12, she was as skinny as my wrist, glasses that looked too big for her face, and shorter than me. and she had ordered a burger from dirty martin's. i thought to myself, "that burger's going to last her a week." so. adorkable.

my last delivery was to some complex on duval, and it was just a bunch of snacks and ice cream. so i get to the apartment, and the door's open, and there's a couple sitting on the couch in their underwear watching arrested development. i thought it was cute.

i've also discovered that a large portion of our customer base is a bunch of stoners. i'd have to say that 80% of my deliveries have been to people who were obviously stoned. yeah.

more stories to come, i'm sure.