Afternoon delight-ful reading

This guy just may be my dream guy. He sounds like perfection.

You know, I keep thinking that I'll find something interesting by trolling Austin's Craigslist's Casual Encounters section, but obviously all the best ones are in NYC. I mean, you won't find a "european assistant" with a big dick in this neck of the country. We do like hurricanes, apparently so.

Who cares about rampant anal sex when rampant oral sex is so much more convenient? Oh, that's right, Slate cares. And they care a lot. Didn't they just do a bit about circumcision a while back? Man, from dick to ass ... sounds like most men ...

Although I hate Arianna Huffington, I love me some Gawker. And these photos just show me why I need to move to NYC -- all the hot media hotties! If I could drunkenly lear at David Amsden or Maer Roshan or Jacob Bernstein, I think I'd be in heaven. And of all these pics, I have to ask, where the fuck is Hud Morgan?

There's not enough pics of people deep-fisting their mouths on the Internet. Awesome Joolie helps out with the shortage.

Holy shit, Dakota Fanning is a Girl Scout? Well, I bet she won't have any trouble selling her cookies, but I'm sure it'll get annoying after awhile. And buy selling her cookies, I mean the pastries and her young kootch. Just thought I'd clarify.

Funniest picture of Jake Gyllenhaal ever. You just know someone's banging him off frame.

This is so meta: HoHan dated someone from Laguna Beach? Whoa. That freaks me out a little. I mean, I can handle her being friends with The Mischa, but actually dating someone on the scripted reality show that's the "real" O.C.? Meta. That's all I can say.