X-Men: The Worst Movie Ever

I think the best part about watching X3 at the Alamo was the pre-movie filler. There were bits and pieces from Pryde of the X-Men, the animated series from the '90s, X-Men: Evolution, Spider-Man PSAs, and some usual Alamo wackiness. Then the movie started, and, well, it was the worst movie I ever paid to see, and this coming from the guy that worships Showgirls (I'm getting a little old for that whorey look). Yeah. So, major SPOILERS coming up, so if you don't want to know what happens, then don't scroll down. OK.
*
**
***
****
*****
****
***
**
*
I don't know where to start. It's like the screenwriter copy and pasted bits and pieces from every X-Men story line ever. Well, maybe not Fatal Attractions. Or the whole Legacy Virus thing. And I would've loved to see Magneto rip the adamantium from Wolverine because, especially in this film, he was such a fucking tool.

But man, still, enough to confuse and infuriate. There's the neutered Dark Phoenix (which turned out more like House of M because Jean was just too Wanda-ish, especially power-wise, and story-wise had more elements from the Planet X storyline, especially with how Wolverine kills her). There's the whole cure thing that Joss Whedon did in Astonishing X-Men, even with the same doctor (Kavita Rao), although for a different company so they could tie the cure into the Worthingtons. Gah.

There's Scott dying (or he didn't; you never see his death; it's just implied). There's Jean dying (again). There's Professor Xavier dying (although he seemingly pulls a Psylocke, or Emma Frost, if you will). (And all three die in the comics only to come back.) There's Storm still not knowing how to act (or lead the X-Men in battle because Wolverine keeps overruling her orders). There's Colossus still not saying much (and even worse, he doesn't run around in just his boxers even once!).

The Morlocks become the Omega Gang (what with all the Omega tats all over everyone). Callisto somehow coopted Quicksilver's and Caliban's powers. A purple-haired Asian girl you'd think is Psylocke (but you'd be wrong) has the camouflage-ish powers. A Quill-like character is now an thuggish Asian teen (although in the credits, that character is billed as Kid Omega, although he's nothing like Quentin Quire). There's a "Professor Xavier is a jerk" moment, only with Logan and not Kitty, which was shitty. Beast looked horrible.

Boliver Trask is black. Rogue actually getting cured (maybe people will argue that she always tries to get cured in the comics, but she always ends up stoping herself from going through with said cures). The male Marrow, I mean, Spike from X-Statix. Leech is a kid with a shaved head and can talk correctly and not his green-skinned, broken English, third-person-speaking comic version. Arclight never says a word. Juggernaut was totally lame. Jean being a split personality (oy).

The only good things were the fastball special, the Danger Room sequence (although Wolverine was a total tool in that scene), Beast saying "Oh my stars and garters" and the Callisto/Storm fight. I could go on, and I will, but I gots to head out now.

I'll part 2 this later. Maybe. Oy.