the one where i'm self-deprecating

so last week, my boss-boss brought me into his office and told me that i was getting a title change from "proofreader" to "editor". this is largely due to my annual review, where i basically dug myself a grave by saying (and this is paraphrased): "i do a fucking good job. i do shit that isn't in my job description. my job description hasn't even been valid since my second month here. i'm not a true proofreader because i've been editing since day one, which is kinda what was wanted. so, yeah, my title needs to fucking change. and fuck the comments these other cunts (well, two) made about me not helping out my supervisor because, hello, anyone with eyes can see i've been helping her out since april."

(again, that was paraphrased.)

but anyway. i love my boss-boss. he's a funny guy. i didn't like him at first, but he's grown on me. i've grown accustomed to his waist. but i mentioned in my review about how when i first got hired i was apprehensive because i applied for a full-time, permanent job and at first got offered a month-long free-lance position with the option for permanent hire, and then got offered the permanent spot my second to last day on my contract and was given shit when i told them i had already made other commitments for another week or so. and that i was leery about being there until, well, this year. and he apologized for that and said that he should've explained better and yadda yadda yadda and that he wished i had mentioned this. and i said i didn't feel like i could mention to a prospective boss that their hiring practice disturbed me for fear that i might lose said job. he said he understood and was glad he hired me.

and that made me feel good. i don't often get praised. i mean, i get a thanks here and there, but never a "i'm really glad i hired you" or "you're doing a great job" or something to that effect. and that's something i try to push around as much as i can. i tried to do it today with hot gig because we've been working really hard on this one project for a couple of days, and he did a great job, but i don't know if my praise went over well. or maybe he thought i was hitting on him, which i wasn't because i was really just thankful and thought he did a really great job dealing with the scope of the project, and, well, with dealing with me.

anyway. my boss-boss sent out an e-mail today about my title change. and the only one that really acknowledged it was my smoking friend (which i'm happy about, because i like her and all). and, i don't know, the whole sitch made me feel bad. i mean, i know i'm not all that liked in my department, so it made me feel that maybe people in my department felt like i was pretentious or something, and that i forced this point home and i'll be harder to deal with now because i'll be on some weird power trip because i have a new title. (which, me, power trip? maybe a couple of years ago, but now? nope. my self-esteem is way too low for a power trip.) and then i felt bad for thinking about what others thought of me. and, you know, my whole self-deprecatey bullshit. bah.

so yeah, i'm officially an editor again. tada?