a bell, though — that's fucked up

i got home today and found this note on my kitchen counter that said my apartment had been treated for roaches today. considering my recent encounter, i'd say it was long overdue. then i noticed that the note said "asap service". ASAP SERVICE! this led me to believe that my apartment complex had become so infested that i was probably just days if not minutes away from living in joe's apartment. that would be a fate worse than living in brownsville.

then i looked at the note a bit closer. turns out "asap service" is the name of the company that came and sprayed or whatever it is they do to keep the insects away. and that, dear readers, is pure mando-overreaction.

and now (11:57 p.m.) martha is on conan and they're frying eggs in bacon fat. and that sounds delicious.

unrelated, my father e-mailed me on friday saying he was more than likely going to be headed back to iraq soon. this time not with the army, but for some security company that turns out to be a subsidiary of halliburton. (from evil to eviler, eh?) i have not responded to his e-mail because i have not been able to find a civil way to respond to it.

my father turned 58 this year, and since Sept. 11, he's been back in the army reserve and then the national guard, first going on a couple of tours of duty at U.S. airports, then he had a tour in iraq that he just got back from a little less than year ago. i believe my father thinks that the only thing he can do is be a military man because he's failed at every other non-military job he's had. i don't necessarily think he did bad at all those other jobs because he was bad at them, but rather that some of the places he worked for went under, and the other jobs he lost, well, because my dad used to be a major pothead and drunk (with the arrest record to prove it).

if there's one thing i inherited from both my parents, it is my stubbornness. this is especially true of my dad. i also believe i get a fair share of my depressive qualities from them, as well. i had this hypothetical conversation with my mother today where i told her dad would do what does, no matter what. and that, yes, being his age, he should be thinking about his life with her instead and maybe getting a job as a greeter at wal-mart or something. that my dad is being completely selfish and is avoiding, well, growing up past being a provider for his children and instead just growing old with his wife. i think he's also partially afraid of said growing old because of all the infidelities between them while my siblings and i were growing up. i also blame the government for not having better programs set up to help veterans get jobs when they get back from iraq. the government does nothing to help out these veterans, which leads many of them to sign up for other tours. if the government had better outreach programs for these returning soldiers, we wouldn't be having this hypothetical conversation. but it's his (when it should be their) decision and that they can't try to put me in the middle of their argument as they always have. at this point my mother was hypothetically yelling at me, so i ended the hypothetical conversation.

hypothetical conversations have been a typical thing for me lately as i crave human contact but don't know how to go about it. in some these hypothetical conversations (HCs), i find myself trying to befriend hot gay interactive guy from work and trying to nickname him "cowboy", which doesn't seem to go over so well in these HCs as he finds that i come off too flirty and he's not into me that way or as a friend, either. see, even in HCs i don't know how to talk to men. much like real life. in other HCs, i find myself trying to talk to other co-workers, but it just turns into me recanting episodes of buffy, strangers with candy, and old scott thompson interviews from conan that only i remember. and that doesn't usually go over too well in real life, either.

in the same vein, i think i need to do another installment of my hypothetical interviews. i thought about this today when i was talking to my new-ish friend while smoking at work and told her that if i ever interviewed viggo mortensen, all i would ask him about was what it was like to fuck exene cervanka.

while watching heroes tonight, they showed a promo for the medium premiere on wednesday, nov. 15. i immediately started to wonder what show or shows would be going into hiatus to accommodate the return of patricia arquette and her hot tv husband. would it be 30 rock and 20 good years? would it be the biggest loser? would it be dateline katilsday? and should i feel bad that i've seen every episode of studio 60 but haven't seen anything except for the commercials for 30 rock? does tina fey hate me now?

earlier tonight, i also installed this webcam i was given at work many moons ago for my "hard work" on one of the accounts. i don't know why i installed it, and after i did, i just stared at it and thought "why the fuck did i just install you?" i really have no reason to even own a webcam because i don't really talk to anyone online, let alone want to talk to anyone online while i'm in my underwear, which i tend to be when i get home from work and on the weekends. i really should've just sold the thing the day after it was given to me. and, as amy sedaris says in her new book, keeping this thing will only encourage the same person to give me more of the same, and i shouldn't hold on to it out of guilt. i've also learned from amy sedaris how to properly clean a vagina.

and now i think it's time to try and sleep. ta.